What happened to the main force of divorce in the 1990s
4hw.com.cn: many post-80s are still single, but post-90s have become the main force of divorce. What's the matter? Why are post-90s divorces in a hurry? Let's have a look.
We do not have very accurate post-90s divorce data. What we can find is that in the first half of 2016, there were nearly 5000 post-90s divorces in a central provincial capital city, accounting for 21.12% of the total number of divorces in the city.
In the movie "33 days of lovelorn love", there is a line summarizing the different views of marriage and love of two generations: "in our age, people treated marriage like a refrigerator. If it broke, they would repair it repeatedly, always thinking of repairing it. Unlike the young people you are now, you always want to replace them when they are broken. '
We interviewed five post-90s. They came from different regions, worked in different jobs, and had different love stories. But they all chose divorce. These experiences may be able to answer 'Why are young people's marriages so vulnerable? '
one
I'm looking for a wife, not a daughter
She and I are classmates, together for more than a year, just graduated from marriage. At that time, I didn't think too much about it. I thought that if I fell in love, I should just let it go and get married.
But in the beginning, my parents didn't like the marriage. I have a gentle and slow personality. She is two years older than me and looks very strong. There is also a big difference between our families. My father is the first batch of college students after the college entrance examination resumed in 1977. After graduation from CUHK, my mother is also a university graduate, both of whom are teachers. Her father works abroad all the year round, but her mother has no job, and basically does not take care of her. In fact, she is like a dead leaf butterfly, with a strong protective color and self-centered, but her heart is fragile and insecure.
Because I am the only child, my parents only have me when they are 35 years old. I insist on getting married, and they can't help it. But the differences brought about by these personalities and family backgrounds did show up soon after we got married.
I work in an Internet company. I go to work at 8:30 in the morning and leave work at 10:30 in the evening. On average, I have to work 13 hours every day. When I get home, I feel tired and want to stay in bed. But she always thinks that I don't want to take care of her and don't want to coax her, which is different from when I am in love.
It's true that when I was in love, I was a typical husky. I was a little crazy. In addition to reading her whole 3-year Weibo, I usually pay attention to what she likes to eat, and then go to the canteen in advance to help her make a good meal. Once at 10 o'clock in the evening, she told me that she wanted to eat pig's hooves, but there was no bus at that time, and the taxi was too expensive. After I bought it, I spent five hours walking to her house.
I also admit that this is the case with boys. They must be very careful when they are chasing, but when they do, they seem to be careless again. They can't cover everything.
After marriage, we are repeating all kinds of petty quarrels. For example, if I smoke, she will not be happy when she sees it, and I will hide in the bathroom to smoke, but every time she still finds out, she starts to ignore me, cold violence, and even quarrel; once cold violence or quarrel, she will immediately blackmail me, and I can only go to her and coax her again and again.
Once there was a fierce quarrel, she suddenly ran away from home. I was very busy in those two days. I couldn't let go of my work immediately. She saw that I didn't coax her, and was very angry, and blackmailed me again. This kind of thing repeats again and again, too tormenting, together for more than 4 years, finally, we divorced.
If I don't love you, it's not. My wechat avatar is still her. It hasn't changed. But if I get married again, I think I will be more careful in choosing the other half. Looking for a wife is not looking for a daughter. Two people have to be considerate of each other, not just one party's unlimited attack, the other party's infinite concession.
After the divorce, she blackmailed me. One night, she added me and asked me how I am now. I was in the shower at that time, and I didn't have time to reply. After washing, she sent her a message and couldn't send it out. She blackmailed me again. But I know that she can add me, almost to the maximum extent to admit my mistake.
Two
I can't get married easily anymore
At the age of 20, I may have made the most regretful decision in my life - to marry him, who is 11 years older than me.
At that time, I was a junior at a 985 University in Wuhan. Before Christmas, the Department organized to post posters. I was so warm-hearted that I ran to help. I couldn't reach the glue on the ground standing on the stool. Just as he passed by, I reached out and handed it to me. At that moment, I felt a little touched by his gentleman's action.
He is from Northeast China. He is 31 years old. He is a small section chief of a state-owned enterprise. I grew up in a single parent family. I have no father since I was a child. He is much older than me. People of this age really make me feel safe.
We made rapid progress. When I was pregnant with his children and told my girlfriends, they were shocked and advised me not to destroy my future, but I couldn't hear it. I broke up with one of them. Now I have no contact.
It wasn't long before I dropped out of school. At that time, when I was a senior, I couldn't hide my pregnancy. There were many voices around me, and no one was optimistic about my decision. But I didn't think it was a problem. I could go to school again. I like children and I'm reluctant to give up. I also don't want children to live in a single parent family like me.
We informed our parents that his parents were very happy because he finally had his own children at the age of 31, but my mother didn't agree with him all the time. She thought that the age gap was too big, and I was still small, and then forced us to break up. I am a strong character. I have a lot of courage. No one can stop me from doing anything. Despite my mother's objection, I insist on getting married.
Wait for the infatuation period to pass slowly, the other side's shortcomings will be exposed slowly. He grew up in a traditional family. His parents were all in the system. He had little power in the local area. He was good to me, but when the child was born, he was a girl. His parents made a 360 degree turn. They implemented the strategy of "no come, no matter, no" for me and the child. When they were on the moon, my mother was the only one with me.
But he's also a child who hasn't grown up and is not ready to be a father. At that time, I was in a bad mood just after giving birth to a child. He never went home again, so I couldn't help quarreling with him. After quarreling, he was cold and violent. I didn't talk for a month at the longest time. Later, I knew that he had cheated at that time. I used to think that he was my air conditioner, and then I found out that he was everyone's central air conditioner.
I can't bear to be the last generation. I want to divorce. I think the biggest gap between our post-90s generation and their parents is that they have to leave when they are not comfortable.
At that time, the child was less than 1 year old, I had made up my mind, and because I studied law, I knew that if I cheated in marriage, I could get more property without fault. I began to collect evidence, find someone to follow him to take a video, and finally it was very fierce, completely tearing my face. His parents also threatened me, so that I could not find any work in a state-owned enterprise in the future. Finally, I got divorced. I got a house, a car, and more than 200000 yuan in cash. My child followed me. He provided a certain amount of alimony every month.
In retrospect, when the students around me graduated at the age of 22, just came out of the campus and began to look forward to a new life, I was already a single mother who had experienced marriage. Although different from other people's steps and injuries, they have to take future responsibilities.
Now, I got my diploma and worked as a legal consultant in a private enterprise. My mother took my child with me. Not without new objects. But this time, I dare not marry easily.
Love and marriage are not the same thing at all
When I lived together, I was 24 years old, she was younger, only 18 years old, very beautiful.
We won't get the marriage certificate until she reaches the legal age of 20. As a result, just a week later, I saw a close photo of her and another man from her QQ album. I was very upset and couldn't get over that psychological barrier. After a month of marriage, we divorced.
Now, it's not a good thing to experience marriage too early. To be exact, both of them are children. They don't know what kind of person to look for, what marriage is and how to get along with each other as husband and wife.
When we are together, it's just like grenades to explosives. Her character doesn't match at all. As long as she's unhappy, she'll turn over and make a lot of noise immediately. She doesn't want to be controlled at all. I think she's beautiful and loves her. Many of her behaviors can be tolerated, but no matter how long this lead is, sooner or later it will explode because it burns to the end.
Fight, scratch me with my fingernails, wake me up at three o'clock in the middle of the night when I'm sleepy, which is what she often does; once, in order to stop me from doing something, she threatened to jump into the river, and I didn't pay attention to her. Who knew she really jumped into the river, I had to jump down again to get her.
Her character is too extreme. When I fall in love, I will ignore these things. I feel that if two people are together, as long as they have passion, happiness and happiness, they are all beautiful things. But marriage contains too many trivial things. What kind of person is it appropriate to spend time with? As well as the family's economic pressure, the feelings of the elderly on both sides, as well as the problems of children's school, all of which should be taken into account, will really kill the feelings of the two people.
Now, my daughter follows me and asks when to find a new mother every day, but I can't give the answer.
four
I can't answer your question about what she likes best
My experience with my ex-wife is the typical story of "post-90s flash knot and flash away" in your mouth.
I worked in Beijing. On May 1 the year before last, I met her through a blind date back home, and soon entered into a love relationship. Because two people live next to each other, three or five miles away. Her parents think I am 5 years older than her and can take good care of their daughter. My parents are also anxious to let me have a home. Although I was only 26 at that time, as a relatively traditional person, I cared about my parents' feelings. Soon, we got married on the 11th of that year.
I told her that if I went out to earn money, she would stay at home, but she couldn't stop. The second week after the wedding banquet, she went to find a job as a waiter, and then I returned to work in Beijing.
She has never been to Beijing. Once when I went back to my hometown, I said I would take her to Beijing to have a look. The first night I came to Beijing was also very normal. The next day, when I was going through the formalities of asking for leave at work, I received a phone call from her from the railway station, saying that I couldn't get used to staying, so I had to go back.
Because of the special nature of my work as an armed escort, I took a vacation once a month or two. Since we met on May 1st, got married on November 11th, and divorced in June the next year, we haven't met several times, let alone got along. We can't talk together at all, and we don't have a common language. In retrospect, marriage is really rash.
I am a very introverted person, not how to coax a girl happy, she is also, not very talkative. I can't answer your questions about what she likes best. I bought her a two meter high plush bear. The little girls didn't like it. Later, I gave her a necklace and a mobile phone, but I didn't see that she liked it very much. Every time I said it was OK. Originally on a different place, love is still lack of communication, how can we get along well after marriage?
What's more, I don't think I know what she's thinking at all. She often goes missing. Sometimes she goes missing for several days and nobody can find her. In June, the year after we got married, she disappeared again. I'll call her