You can often see that when people around you have problems in their marriage, it's usually women who are trying to recover such feelings. If you don't know what the reason is, you can follow Xiaobian to have a look~
Now, no one often carries the story of long Tu's killing Chen Shimei. Chen Shimei is the representative of the heartless man in the world, Qin Xianglian is the representative of the dross wife in the world, but the princess is not very typical. If Chen Shimei falls in love with Pan Jinlian, it is similar to the modern theme.
But in reality, Qin Xianglian, whom I met, did not ask me how to kill Chen Shimei, but how to turn a 'heartless man' into a 'heartless man'. No matter how righteous Bao Qingtian is, it's not the tune that his wives like. However, their wives support Lao Bao's moral guard's perspective very much. Their meaning is very obvious: Chen Shimei, Chen Shimei, I didn't let Bao Gong kill you. You should be grateful, bow down and live with me, as long as you promise not to make this big mistake again I'll spare you this time.
Qin Xianglian's open mindedness may usher in three reactions.
The first is that the husband's confession is lenient, he bows his head to confess his crime, and even has written down his insurance certificate. But who knows if it will happen again in the future?
The second is that the husband's resistance is strict. They will think that the fault is not made by one person, and even attack each other and criticize his wife for all kinds of faults. Of course, he doesn't want to commit it again next time, but he can't guarantee what will happen in the future, and he can't promise.
The third is the husband's escape. They refuse to play the game of catching thieves with their wife. They are either silent, or they change the topic, or they go their own way, because he knows that the rope is in his hand, and it is his wife who is held. He sees through that his wife is very afraid of divorce, so he can do whatever he wants.
No matter which of the above reactions, Qin Xianglian would feel aggrieved, because they were very unhappy. They raised the board high and dropped it gently. Because of the taboo, they really wanted to punish their husbands, but they didn't know how much to punish.
They hope that her husband will give her a promise that she will never cheat, but they clearly know that this promise is worse than a fart. If there is a promise in the world, it's too childish. Even if children don't believe it, adults won't believe it. This anesthetic has no real meaning. It can't stop them from worrying about what the next time will be When?
Every day I get a lot of consultation calls, many of which are about extramarital affairs. Most of the people who ask for help are women. They often say wrongly: "why is it always women who make the final compromise? Why do I ask him to change his mind when it is clear that he has made a mistake?"
Most of the women who say this have a strong sense of morality, and their life creeds are often based on such assumptions:
Everyone must live in accordance with the moral norms. If the husband has an extramarital affair, it is an unforgivable sin. As they are in a moral dominant position, they can make the moral sinner - the husband crawl under their feet and beg for forgiveness with tears and self abuse. Then they can forgive their husband with a high attitude and continue to live happily.
But they didn't think, what if the world doesn't follow such a trajectory? First of all, even if the husband lives according to their script, how can they ensure that they don't make any mistakes? Second, if the husband doesn't ask her for mercy, what should he do? Some friends gnash their teeth and say that if their husband is cheating, nothing can be said, a word: "leave". It's easy to do that. The problem is that most of the people who say that are unmarried. They don't know that once we get married, it's like a gambler going to a gambling house. Divorce is a cruel and terrible thing. We've made chips for our life, youth and emotion. How can we leave so easily?
Most of the women who ask me whether to leave or not do not want to leave. They often ask: "how can I turn my husband back? Let him realize his mistakes? Let him change his mind?" they also hope that I can come up with a clever plan like Zhuge Liang to let him admit his mistakes. Unfortunately, I didn't. Maybe no one in the world can do it.
We all know the story of Yugong moving the mountain. When the mountain got in the way, almost everyone thought of walking around the mountain, but Comrade Yugong chose to let the mountain go away. In fact, the most common mistake we make in our marriage is "Yugong moves mountains": when problems arise, we always aim at others and hope that others will change. Moreover, we also have a good shield: moral advantage. So many women put their energy on how to be a Sherlock Holmes, how to be a discerning judge and a conscientious policeman. Finally, when the case came to light and the truth came out, they personally proved that their husband was a shameless man.
so what?
They thought that her husband would cry for their forgiveness, but her husband simply tore his face and left. Countless facts have proved that love is unreasonable, and even cannot be restrained by morality. You can use iron evidence and eloquent language to prove that he must love you, but if the husband has no feelings for you, even if you tie him into zongzi with rope, you can't stop him from thinking about another woman.
What's more, if the marriage can only continue under the threat of moral bayonet, I don't think the marriage can be saved. Sometimes two people together are more painful than two people apart, without love and only suffering.
The problem of love can only be solved by the way of love.
What is the way of love? Love is empathy, acceptance and respect.
Why do women tend to defend their families? It's their nature. Secondly, women tend to have higher EQ than men.
It needs a kind of power to change oneself. People with such power are really strong. Many men lack such power. They don't want to change themselves, they just want to find substitutes for their own defects.
The rule of emotional relationship is a duet. Who is the leader and who is the accompanist, which determines the trend of emotion.
Many women refuse to be the lead dancer, always waiting for the other party to change first. If her husband changes, she will be in heaven;
If he doesn't change, she lives in hell. The happiness of her life is in the hands of this man. She has no initiative, just like a resentful wife in the deep palace.
Change first, not compromise, but forge ahead. If a man is cheating, we will take back what that woman took from you. You have the love of your husband and the need of him for you: he needs communication and emotional comfort. For some men, the purpose of having an affair is to meet their sexual needs; for others, the purpose of having an affair is to obtain emotional communication that their wife cannot provide.
The communication is what you can provide, but because of work, children or aesthetic fatigue, you give up the opportunity of communication. Valuable is, you finally want to communicate with him, he also increased communication with you, this is a good tendency. But if you still hold the attitude of letting him admit his mistake and showing how tolerant you are, then you can't achieve real emotional communication.
Do you know what a husband wants to say most after a day's work? What he hopes to get from his wife? What he worries about and yearns for most now? Can you really accept his shortcomings, his past harm to you and his various habits?
When you open your heart and pay attention to your emotional crisis, instead of asking him to be frank and lenient, your home will not become a courtroom, will be full of warmth, and will make your man fall in love with you again.