In real life, many couples live apart for various reasons. This situation may lead to the red light of marriage and bring a series of effects on family life. However, some people overcome the problem of long-distance marriage and maintain the relationship and family well.
Recently, a survey of 2006 people conducted by the social survey center of China Youth Daily through the questionnaire network showed that 67.7% of the respondents said that the phenomenon of long-distance marriage around them is common. According to the observation of the respondents, the two main reasons for long-distance marriage are employment opportunities (66.8%) and job transfer (58.7%). 72.3% of the respondents thought that the marriage in other places was easy to lead to estrangement or even divorce. 58.9% of the respondents found that in the long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-.
Among the respondents, 74.0% were married and 18.5% were in the state of off-site marriage. 32.5% of the respondents came from Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou and Shenzhen, 30.3% from other provincial capitals or municipalities directly under the central government, 24.2% from cities other than provincial capitals, 8.5% from county-level cities, and 4.3% from villages and towns or rural areas. The post-90s accounted for 17.5%, the post-80s 51.4%, and the Post-70s 24.5%.
67.7% of the respondents said that the phenomenon of off-site marriage was common
Wei Zhili, 31, and his friends held a music training class in Beijing. Half a year ago, the couple began a long-distance marriage due to their wife's coming home to give birth. Wei Zhili said frankly that when his wife left, he was not used to it. " We were together in University and lived together in Beijing for six years after graduation. I'm usually busy with my work. When my wife is around me, I sometimes feel that she's a little clingy. When she goes back to her hometown, I find that I can't even handle basic problems like cooking and cleaning. Wei Zhili said that there are also some couples around him who are separated from each other. "Now this phenomenon is very common. They are all for making money and living.".
Bai Jingxia, 37, is an accountant living in Handan, Hebei Province. She and her husband have been living apart for six years. In her opinion, the reason why husband and wife choose to live apart is also because of life. " Married people mostly carry home loans and car loans, and generally earn more in big cities than in small cities. If one of the husband and wife has a job and the other doesn't, there may be a separation between the two places.
According to the survey, 67.7% of the respondents said that the phenomenon of off-site marriage was common around them, and 15.6% and 52.1% of the respondents answered very common and relatively common questions respectively.
According to the survey, two main reasons for the marriage in different places were employment opportunities (66.8%) and job mobility (58.7%), while the rest were living costs (32.5%), child rearing (31.2%), elderly support (24.4%), registered residence (22.9%) and social security relationship (12.8%).
A further survey showed that the respondents who were in the state of long-distance marriage ranked the third reason for 'child rearing'.
Tang Hanhui (pseudonym) is a 23-year-old graduate student from a university in Nanjing. In his opinion, there are three kinds of situations in different places: the first is that two people are together when they are in love, but their working places are not the same, so they can only get together in different places on a regular basis; The second is when we get married, because of the change of work, for the development of our career, we can only stay in other places; The third is that, affected by the nature of work, they often go out and cannot stay at home.
72.3% of the respondents believed that long-distance marriage could easily lead to estrangement or even divorce
According to the survey, the biggest problem that the respondents think is the estrangement or even divorce between husband and wife (72.3%), followed by the lack of paternal or maternal love (60.7%). Other problems included loneliness (50.2%), family affairs (33.5%), family financial burden (31.1%), high transportation cost (30.9%) and late childbearing (21.4%).
According to the survey, 84.2% of the respondents thought that the influence of different place marriage on the relationship between husband and wife was great, and 25.3% and 58.9% of the respondents thought that very big and relatively big marriage had great influence on the relationship between husband and wife, respectively.
Gao Xiangjun is a civil servant in a government office in Hengshui, Hebei Province. Due to work reasons, he and his wife are temporarily separated from each other and can only see each other once a week. In his opinion, the advantage of a long-distance marriage is that "a little farewell is better than a new marriage." Every time I go home, I have a certain degree of freshness. I cherish the time I meet, and my feelings are more stable '. But Gao Xiangjun also believes that in the long run, off-site marriage is not conducive to the handling of family relations, and it also causes a waste of resources. " Our main expenses are on the bus fare. The transportation fee is 300 yuan every time we go home. It's a big expense to go back four or five times a month. In addition, there are telephone charges and so on. And it is easy to cause conflicts, especially my wife is pregnant now, and she is more dependent on me. She thinks long-term relocation is not conducive to the growth of her children. As for parents, because they are located in a different place, it's more difficult to solve some problems, and it's more frustrating to go home to see the elderly.
Bai Jingxia believes that often couples do not live together may cause conflicts. " Both sides feel very aggrieved. They have to finish every bit of their lives by themselves, and sometimes they are very tired. For example, the wife often has to watch the children, cook, and go out to work to earn money. Every day's life is three o'clock, especially when there is a conflict between children and work, she will complain that her husband is not around. When a husband works outside, he needs to take care of his own life. Sometimes when the work pressure is high, he will feel that it is not easy for him to work outside, and the relationship between husband and wife will become weak '.
In the survey, 16.9% of the respondents admitted that they can't stand long-distance marriage at all, 53.7% of the respondents said they can stand long-distance marriage for two years or less, 15.5% of the respondents said they can stand long-distance marriage for three to five years, only 5.0% of the respondents said they can stand long-distance marriage for more than five years, and 8.9% of the respondents didn't answer well.
Further investigation shows that the respondents who are in the state of off-site marriage have longer tolerance time for off-site marriage than other respondents. The older the respondents were, the longer the tolerance period for the long-distance marriage was.
Gao Xiangjun said frankly that he could endure a long-distance marriage for about three years. " My wife and I have been doing this for two years now. It's easy for us to talk, but the baby will be born next year. In addition, the third year's relationship between husband and wife is also a barrier. The time is too long, because the freshness generated in different places is also weak '.
68.6% of the respondents thought that the husband and wife should visit each other regularly
How to maintain the relationship and family for the couple of different marriage? According to the survey, 68.6% of the respondents thought that regular visit to each other and more care for each other's work and life (66.4%) were the best two ways. 58.1% of the respondents thought that couples of different marriage should communicate more through telephone and Internet. 49.2% of the respondents thought that common goals should be established. 26.6% of the respondents thought that dividing family responsibilities could help couples of different marriage get along better, 22.3% of the respondents thought that writing letters and giving gifts were good ways.
A further survey showed that the respondents who were in a long-distance marriage preferred sending gifts by letter to those who were in a long-distance marriage to those who were in a good family responsibility.
Wei Zhili believes that the impact of different marriage on the couple's feelings depends on the way both parties deal with it. If it can be handled well, it will still be very kind.
'the most important thing is to support, understand, tolerate and encourage each other. You should also be strict with yourself and not do anything against the principles of marriage. We can also cultivate some common hobbies and interests, and create some romance, such as watching movies, eating big meals, exchanging gifts, shopping and so on. We do this every weekend. Sometimes we stay at home to watch TV dramas, and then we talk about the story after watching them. " Gao Xiangjun said that he and his wife still intend to eventually live in the same place, for this goal, they are also working hard.
According to the survey, 58.9% of the respondents found that in the long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term long-term.
So which side is more likely to make concessions? 38.8% of the respondents found that the wife made more concessions, 17.1% of the respondents found that the husband made more concessions, and 44.1% of the respondents said it was difficult to say. Further investigation shows that the proportion of respondents in the state of long-distance marriage who give in to their husbands is higher than that who give in to their wives.
"In fact, this is not a concession, but a choice between the two sides." Tang Hanhui believes that no matter who goes to who's side, a couple in a long-distance marriage is generally for a better life. " Because the career development of both sides is definitely different. Generally speaking, they are close to the good ones.