Due to the prejudice against women in the patriarchal society for thousands of years, many taboos against women were formed in the custom of going to the grave and sweeping the grave during the Qingming Festival. In some places, it is not allowed to go to the grave for ancestor worship. Can the daughter go to the grave on Tomb Sweeping Day?
For example, women who are weak or sick can't go to the grave. If they have to go, they must wear jade or jade Buddha amulets. In addition, pregnant women who are pregnant and women who are on holiday are not allowed to go to the grave; women who are not officially married but girlfriends are not allowed to accompany their boyfriends to go to the grave; some places also stipulate that women whose husbands have died less than three years are not allowed to go to the grave.
Of course, there are some special customs for Tomb Sweeping on Tomb Sweeping Day, that is, those families with new daughters in law and new children must take their new daughters in law and the mother who has just given birth to a child with them on Tomb Sweeping Day this year. First of all, it shows that they recognize their ancestors and return to their ancestors. Secondly, it is also a consolation to our ancestors: the family has opened branches and scattered leaves, and new people have been added! When such a family goes to the grave, they should set off firecrackers. In the curl of cigarettes that have set off firecrackers, a couple should kowtow in front of the grave, while the children let adults hold them together and say 'father (mother), daughter-in-law (granddaughter-in-law) salute you! "Of course, how The appellation of "Mo" varies with the status and seniority of the ancestors.
It is worth mentioning that the body of a new daughter-in-law or newborn who goes to visit the grave must not wear plain clothes, but must wear some festive clothes, at least a red dress and an ornament. One is to report the good news, so that the ancestors can see the scattered branches and leaves at home, and add people to import. The other is to ward off evil spirits, so as not to let the surrounding ghosts invade.
Can my daughter go to the grave on Tomb Sweeping Day
Customs and rules vary from place to place.
1. Unmarried daughter cannot go to the grave
In some villages in southwest and central and southern Shandong, unmarried daughters are not allowed to go to the graveyards of their old friends. This is even an inviolable clan rule. If there are no children in the family, they will let their nephews work for them. This is because the daughter is not a member of her own family, so she can't go to the grave at her mother's home. After she gets married, she is in her mother-in-law's family, so she can go to the grave at her mother-in-law's home.
2. A married daughter cannot go to the grave
Some places think that the married daughter is someone else's family. If there is a son in the family, the people in the mother's family don't want the daughter to go back to her mother's family to go to the grave. They are afraid that others will say that there is no one in the mother's family, and only the family without a son in the mother's family can the girl go back to her mother's family to go to the grave. Some of them think that after their daughter gets married, they can't sweep their mother's ancestral graves, otherwise they will take their mother's geomantic omen away. According to the traditional saying, simply put, the married woman is from her husband's family. She won't and can't go to other people's tombs. She won't be buried in her mother's land in a hundred years. The idea is that daughters are not heirs. The names of sons and daughters-in-law can only be engraved on the tombstones of their ancestors, while the names of girls are generally not engraved on the tombstones of their ancestors. In some places, this custom continues to this day.
3. You can go to the grave whether you are married or not
The traditional idea is that men are superior to women, so there are many opinions about daughters going to the grave. But now it is emphasized that boys and girls are the same, daughters are as important as sons, and many families are only daughters, so this idea has been changing. As long as parents and elders have no idea of son preference, then naturally a daughter can go to the grave whether she is married or not.