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What is Jiang Fangzhou's flattering personality? What is the harm of flattery personality?

Jiang Fangzhou, a gifted female writer, apologized publicly at the wonderful flower conference, making it clear that she was a flattering personality. She always apologized to others at the first time when she made a mistake, which led to her not being valued. So you know what a flattering personality is? If you just flatter others, it will not bring very good results.

He said that this generation of young and famous people took up too much public resources and admitted that he had not experienced vicissitudes. However, it is also because it has been living in concern and has been evaluated by the outside world too much. Jiang Fangzhou formed a flattering personality. He hoped that everyone would like him, so he questioned whether his life in the past 20 years was right.

What is a flattering personality?

Dr. sherry pagoto (Psychology Today licensed psychologist) pointed out that flattering personality is a potential unhealthy behavior pattern, rather than a personality disorder. He pointed out that flattering characters, on the one hand, fear of rejection, on the other hand, fear of failure.

Fear of rejection, the typical underlying feeling is' if I don't do what I can to make them happy, they will leave me and won't care about me anymore '. This feeling is usually caused by lack of care, or being abandoned, rejected, or unstable emotions by important people.

Afraid of failure, the underlying feeling is' if I make a mistake, I will let others down or even be punished '. The source of this feeling is usually in the early days, because of doing something wrong and receiving the psychological shadow left by serious punishment.

Both of them have one thing in common: they only care about other people's feelings and ignore their inner mind. Once the heart accepts the evaluation of others, people will define themselves by their evaluation, which is the flattering personality.

Ingratiating personality: short-term benefits, long-term costs

A person who always flatters others is always a very helpful person in others' heart, because he never says' no '. It's so easy for such a person to do this for you. It sounds like a good thing. It's not true.

These people always try their best to maintain a harmonious relationship with others and always give priority to others' feelings. It can be said that this kind of pleasing is actually a kind of self sacrifice. For example, when these people are in a team, they are very positive about what they are told to do at the beginning, especially when they get positive comments from others. However, over time, when these people are unable to do something well, they will have extra guilt and anxiety:

Afraid of others' disapproval of their work results, afraid of conflicts with colleagues, do not want to cause trouble. If someone is angry with him at this time, it is estimated that the sky will collapse.

In a word, such people have crossed the border when dealing with interpersonal relationships: they have not simply expressed their kindness and willingness to help others, but have been conquered by the fear of interpersonal conflict.

What are the consequences of always pleasing others?

-Take on too much responsibility. Because you don't want to make others unhappy, you can promise what they are told. This is not only overload work, but also will produce resentment and burnout, which is the opposite. In the end, people will be disappointed that you care too much about these promises.

-I dare not show my strength. Those who are afraid of playing abnormally will have negative emotions to themselves, such as sadness, envy or hostility, so they often 'stay' and dare not show themselves. As a result, they have no chance to turn to themselves.

-More pressure. A flattering personality who doesn't know how to say "no" is the easiest to obey others' words. Take a chestnut. On the wine table, it's clear that you can't drink too much wine, but you can't refuse others' respectful wine, and it's you who suffer at last.