Sihaiwang: when children were little, they slept with their parents all the time. But in the long run there will be dependency. This is not good for children's psychological development. So it's better for children to sleep in separate beds when they reach a certain age, which is good for their future development, but what should they do if they are afraid of sleeping in separate beds? How old is it for children to sleep in separate beds? Let's have a look at it in detail!
What to do if children are afraid of sleeping in separate beds
It's a gradual process for babies to learn to sleep on their own. The baby has been sleeping with his parents. It's hard to avoid anxiety when he is separated. Parents can prepare in advance, and slowly adapt their baby to sleep alone.
1. Same room but different bed, slowly adapt to sleep alone
As soon as the baby is born, he starts to prepare the crib and let the baby sleep alone. If the baby cries sometimes, he will talk to him, gently pat and pacify the baby's mood and not hug him. As time goes by, the baby will not be afraid to sleep alone and his independent personality will be cultivated.
2. Let the baby be prepared and establish a bedtime ceremony
The conscious establishment of bedtime rituals can enhance the baby's sense of security, help to develop good sleep habits, and help the baby fall asleep quickly. For example, putting down the mobile phone, staying in a fixed corner with the baby at a fixed time every day, hugging the baby, reading with him, speaking, taking a bath, singing, reading bedtime stories and so on are all ways to cultivate a good bedtime ritual.
3. Let comfort toys accompany the baby to sleep
Before the age of 3, it is a period of attachment. Many babies are not willing to sleep on their own, which is a lack of security. Adults find some baby's favorite comfort toys to sleep with, such as toy cubs and rabbits that can be cleaned.
4. Moderate and firm attitude
Generally, the process of dealing with the sleeping problem of the baby will be more tortuous. If you are ready and have a gentle and firm attitude, no matter how the baby cries at the beginning, you can solve it well and stick to it. At the end, the baby can adapt to separate beds and come on!
Of course, if you think that children should sleep with adults when they are young, it's not too bad. Whether to sleep in separate beds has no direct causal relationship with the cultivation of children's independent personality, which depends on whether parents usually advocate independent parenting attitude.
The best age for children to sleep in separate beds
There is no fixed answer to this. However, if there is a degree, it depends on the mother's subtle observation and the child's growth.
If you sleep in separate beds too early, for example, in infancy, you will develop a lack of sense of security in growing up, cowardice and self-confidence in character. Too late sleeping in separate beds forms a child's excessive dependence on his parents, which is not conducive to the cultivation of his independent character.
Children who sleep in separate rooms before the age of three. The baby just separated from the mother, suddenly feel the pain of separation, at this time the baby's heart is extremely complex and uncomfortable. At this time, the mother should hold the child in her arms and stop skin contact as much as possible to strengthen the child's sense of peace. If before 3 years old and parents share a room to sleep, can damage the safe feeling of the child badly. Before the age of three, infants have no ability to survive independently. Damaging their sense of peace is no different from making their children become a person who lacks self-confidence, sense of peace and is suspicious in the future.
Children who sleep in separate rooms after the age of seven. At the age of seven, children's ideological development has been improved. If they haven't slept in separate beds with their families, they will have various anxiety disorders and social phobias when they grow up. In fact, this is not alarmism, because at this time, the child has reached the age of being able to survive independently, and the child's heart is looking forward to doing things independently, and the child also enjoys it. But if you sleep with your parents, it will increase your child's dependency. There is a great disturbance to the interpersonal relationship in adulthood.
Therefore, in general, 4-5 years old is more suitable for sleeping in separate beds. 4-5-year-old children began to have independent thoughts, began to feel secret, began to feel confused about secret, secret can make children become independent and mature.
What are the harms of children's late bed separation? 1. Precocious puberty
In Zhihu, the reporter saw a mother's message: her daughter is 12 years old this year, but she is extraordinarily precocious and often mixes with young people in the society. As far as I know, her sexual experience has exceeded three times. When she questioned her daughter, she said with disapproval, 'isn't this the case between men and women?' when her mother asked who told her that this is the case between men and women, she replied directly, 'you and Dad
Later, the mother took her to a psychiatrist and was shocked to know the truth. Because her daughter and her parents have been sleeping in the same bed until the age of 9, and the misguide to her daughter is that when she was 5, she accidentally found the 'movement' between her parents one night, mistakenly thinking that 'mom and dad are fighting'. At first, she was a little nervous. Later, she didn't know what it was. After that, her daughter began to look forward to her parents' movements, even pretending to sleep and eavesdrop on them.
It was my daughter's' first time ', when she was seduced by a strange man, my mother never knew. The daughter said there was no tension, humiliation or fear. Instead, she calmly thought 'this is the way it is between men and women'. From then on, the daughter dress score outside enchanting, in the sexual aspect also indulges oneself. Until my daughter told the truth, my parents were very sorry and sad.
Another mother with the internet name "ouch hello" left a message on the Internet, saying that her son was 13 years old, only separated from his parents when he was 10 years old, and there was a 16-year-old sister at home. One day, my mother found that her daughter's underwear hanging on the balcony was soiled. When she questioned her son, he was silent. Later, my mother found a bad video in my son's cell phone. For this reason, she gave him a good meal.
When faced with such a problem, early childhood education experts are heartbroken. Children are interested in and fantasize about sex prematurely because of their snooping. Parents and their children sleep too late in separate rooms, which is easy to lead to precocious and early love, which is extremely harmful to their children's sexual and mental health. If children sleep with their parents for a long time, they will inevitably come into contact with their parents' bodies. For a 2-year-old child, this touch may produce a safe and warm psychological feeling. But for a big child, it may have a natural physiological response, and the sexual life between parents also has a negative impact on the child.
Experts said that before sleeping in separate rooms with children, parents should not let their children see the marital affairs, which is extremely harmful to their children's physical and mental health, especially in adolescence, when their children's performance is most obvious, their behavior will cause their children's precocious puberty.
2. It is easy for children to have the psychology of loving mother or father
In life, we often see that children are almost as tall as their mothers, but they are still required to hold hands with their mothers or kiss their mothers on the cheek. If the child has grown up or has too much intimacy with the parents, it may be an abnormal attachment of the child to the parents.
Especially for boys, mothers should appropriately reduce intimacy, such as kissing, cuddling or touching their bodies too much. This requires a step-by-step process, so that children gradually realize that they have grown up, do not need a mother to treat themselves like a baby, even so, the mother still loves her, so that it can play down the attachment of the child to the mother, which is very helpful for the normal psychological development of the child.
3. Over dependence on parents, poor independence
According to the survey, children who sleep with their parents or grandparents for a long time are less independent.
Ms. Liu, the parent, told the reporter that her daughter had been sleeping with her grandmother since she was weaned, because the old man was spoiled, and now she is in primary school. The clothes still need to be put on and off by adults. Sometimes the food is not good, and grandma chases after her. Her mother thinks there is a problem. Every time she says it, grandma says it's OK, and it's ok if she's older. In short, independence is very poor.