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How to deal with the conflict between lovers

How to deal with the conflict between lovers

4hw.org: it's normal for many couples to break up. Which couple in the world hasn't broken up (if any! That may mean it's not true love! )If it's just angry, what should I do if I want to make up after breaking up? One of them must bow his head and admit his mistake. Whether it's his fault or not, I'll give you some solutions to the conflicts!

How to resolve conflicts between lovers

After a couple has a conflict, first of all, pay attention not to think that there is a conflict that must distinguish you from me. At this time, it's better to make a psychological shift first, think and deal with each other's position and situation without being in the same place first, and observe each other's potential motivation. Don't look at the problem simply with "self-centered". Think and understand each other soberly and rationally.

Secondly, we should pay attention to maintaining a certain psychological distance between the two sides at ordinary times. From the psychological point of view, this distance is too small to make people uncomfortable. I think it's too 'crowded'. If I am a little farther, I will feel more distance and independence, more psychological freedom, more opportunities to feel each other's beauty and less mutual skin power.

Third, after the conflict between lovers, don't always complain to each other and form a negative 'stereotype'. Both women and men should use some different mediation methods to 'play and play' to solve the problem.

Fourth, in order to respect you, you need to respect each other first. You need to give each other reasons to love you first. There is no need to have a 'self-worth protection principle' in interpersonal relationship. The core is to expect each other to be human to reflect 'Self-worth'.

Fifth, even if the other side is wrong, we should be tolerant, because there is no big problem between the real lovers. We are not saints, there is no need for each other's a little behavior is too critical.

Some misunderstandings about lovers' quarrels

One of the misunderstandings: the more noisy the relationship is, the better

Xiao Qian is a straightforward woman, happy, sad and happy in color, and her husband has a contradiction is naturally Wah Wah pour out. Her husband was drunk in social activities. She was so angry that she scolded: 'if you are asked to drink, you will drink. If you are asked to die, you will go too!' her husband accidentally stole his wallet. She turned over Chen Zhima's rotten beans and criticized: 'last year, I lost my cell phone, the year before last, I lost the door key, you are a pig brain!' her husband was shaded by his colleagues, and she exclaimed: 'before I said XX was not like a good man. I wanted you to talk to him Don't deal with me. You're stupid. Don't listen to me. I'm really pissed off by you. '

In every quarrel, because Xiaoqian is reasonable, she is not allowed to be explained by her husband. During the quarrel, she will not only catch the logical defects of the other party, but also lead to other problems. In my husband's words, 'I'm like being swept by a machine gun a hundred times. '

But Xiaoqian doesn't think there's anything wrong with the way she quarrels. She thinks the quarrels are all about her husband, and 'quarrels are also a kind of communication. What's wrong with saying the discontented ideas? When I vent, won't my husband do better?' indeed, after she quarrels and quarrels, her husband's apparent problems have changed a lot. Xiaoqian is very concerned about herself We are proud of our achievements. But in fact, what changes have taken place in men's hearts after the quarrel?

[quarrel ending]: it's hard to fight at the head of the bed and at the end of the bed

Does the husband and wife really have an overnight feud? Has the husband really changed a lot? No, he is just tired of listening to her roar, and he will not mention it to her if he has' fault ', so as to avoid war.

This kind of patience brought by calming down is bound to accumulate in a man's heart. Once there is a fuse, it will lead to a big explosion! When Xiaoqian quarrels with xingtou, she often exaggerates her anger, and even irritates her husband with the most extreme language, but she doesn't realize it. Although Xiaoqian said those hurtful words and forgot them, the man would keep them firmly in his mind if he was not sure.

And no matter how strong the couple's feelings are, they can't stand the sharp words that are more sharp than knives.

[psychological expert's move]: 'dispute reason' is better than 'dispute emotion'

Xiaoqian thinks she has a reason, so she has to be reasonable and not forgive others, but she doesn't know that "arguing" often hurts her feelings. After winning a fight, her husband has no feelings for you. It's better to try to deal with the dispute between husband and wife with "contending" rather than quarreling constructively.

The so-called "more quarrel, the better feelings" is actually a kind of "quarrel" with a good level of speaking, which will explain the contradiction itself on a case by case basis and communicate with each other in a reasonable way, so that the problem can be effectively solved. For example, you can say to your husband who doesn't do housework: 'honey, you must be very busy recently. No one cares about the Yellow bath. 'and if you say,' never seen a lazier bath than you are, it's dirtier than a pig's nest! 'family war may be inevitable.

Mistake 2: I must be right about it

When Dong Dong was still a girl, she was taught by her mother: "when there is a conflict with her husband in the future, we must let the other party realize the mistake. For the first time, he will not suppress his prestige, and then he will ride on your head!" her "husband training" seems to be very effective. At least, Dong Dong's father is a submissive master at home, although he doesn't look very happy.

When he was in love, his boyfriend had a good temper. Before he quarreled several times, he rushed to apologize. But after getting married, the two get along day by day, and the contradiction suddenly increases: on the weekend, when they agreed to watch a love movie, when they went to the ticket office, they wanted to buy tickets for science fiction films; when they were put in the bedroom, they insisted on putting them in the living room; when they said how many times that their skin was black and they couldn't wear purple, they just bought a purple T-shirt & hellip; & hellip; it was a step-by-step fight in winter and winter, just like Cheng Yaojin's three board Axe: first of all She will loudly emphasize that she is right and her husband's thoughts are completely wrong. Next, she will stop her husband's words and go on and on about her correct reasons. When her husband tries to explain, Dongdong yells again: "if you don't say it, I will do it!"

In the first few times, although her husband was unhappy, he still came by her. Seeing her husband admit defeat, Dong Dong felt that "husband training" was more effective. He was very proud to add another sentence: "I said you were wrong, but now I admit it!" but later there were many disputes, but my husband gradually couldn't hold back the fire, and once smashed the big vase in the family.

[the end of the quarrel]: both of them are bruised after winning the battle

'I must be right, you must be wrong!' when Dong Dong quarreled, he thought that there was only one answer to all things, and that he must fight to the death. However, there was no winner in the quarrel between husband and wife. Both sides were losers.

Those who can quarrel with each other will solve the problem with a point to the end, rather than kill their husbands with verbal arrogance. In the United States, mistresses have been studied. The results of the investigation are astonishing. The beaten wives are not all the lambs that are slaughtered, but the shrews who win their husbands in the quarrel. The men who can't win the quarrel have to fight for dignity with their fists.

[one move for psychological experts]: it's smart to retreat!

The quarrel between husband and wife is a conflict caused by their different angles. It's better to admit the correctness of men occasionally than to listen to their own opinions. Don't like flowers in the bedroom, OK, this time listen to you. Can I decide whether to go back for Western food or sushi? Giving in to men is not a loss or cowardice, but a preparation for long-term success.

And when a man gives in to you, don't sneer at him: 'I knew why!' if you gave him more respect and encouragement, he would be more willing to give in until the next fight.

Myth 3: support from family and friends

Aqiao's husband is big and thick, and her voice is as loud as a bell, while her prose is weak, and she speaks in a low voice, and there is no sense of existence when quarreling. In order to win more sympathy and support, she came up with a clever way. As soon as the couple quarreled, she picked up the phone and called her parents, parents in law, even colleagues and friends, whining and complaining about her husband.

The group of relatives and friends who received the call comforted the sobbing Aqiao and scolded the man for not pitying her. Aqiao's father was grumpy and even quarreled with his son-in-law face to face. The father-in-law and mother-in-law are afraid of the divorce between the couple. They are too anxious to compensate Aqiao. They also order their son to apologize & hellip; & hellip; and the husband surrounded by relatives and friends often chooses to leave. Aqiao seems to win, but he makes the conflict between the couple more irremediable.

[the end of the quarrel]: the more soldiers are helped, the more helpful they are

Aqiao likes to move soldiers everywhere in order to be the winner of the quarrel, hoping to get the support of others. But she didn't expect that although she won a round for the time being, complaining about her husband in front of the "rescue" would be extremely damaging to the couple's feelings, especially deepening the conflict between her husband and her parents. Men have a good face. Although they sometimes raise flags to surrender under the pressure of their relatives and friends, they lose their face and are upset in their hearts. Women are the last victims.

The old saying that "domestic ugliness should not be publicized" is not out of date. When Aqiao publicized his contradictions, he not only caused sympathy, but also ridicule and satire. Relatives and friends will also form a fixed thinking that they are a bad couple, and they will be tired of paying attention to being called to "rescue" many times.

[psychological expert's move]: you might as well try to be a coquette

Aqiao didn't want to lose the fight, so he moved to rescue the soldiers. He just wanted to find someone to support himself and make the men wear soft clothes. He didn't really want to let the 'rescuers' beat his husband violently.

When you think you won't win a fight, you can use the coquettish way of little women to solve the problem. When the smoke of war is just lit, women can show their weakness and tenderness: "you are a man, how can you be so stingy and angry with me?"

To show weakness is much better than to be brave

You know, showing weakness is much better than showing off strength. Even if he knew it was her fault, he would feel that he was a man, and indeed he should give in. For example, when your husband is dissatisfied with your spending money on clothes, don't yell: "I didn't spend your money!" instead, I want to look beautiful and show you why it's so fierce. '-- in a moment, men must turn anger into tenderness.