Any woman may encounter such a situation: the beloved man suddenly alienates her, no longer has no response to her words, and asks for him to be quiet for a while. The first feeling of a woman is: he doesn't love me? The second idea is: pull him out of this state. In fact, you may not know that men have mysterious intimate cycles.
He always seems to want to stay on his own!
Dictator: Stella, female, 29
Those days, I always feel that my husband's action is secretive. It's strange that I have to go out soon after dinner every day, not to say where I go or what I do. I feel uneasy in my heart: why? I know my lover? It's not like that. I don't have much trimming, and I haven't been out for a long time. So, to steal a cigarette? He always smokes on the balcony.
With curiosity and worry, I couldn't help following quietly. I saw my husband step out of the community, went straight to the back of the construction site. There are several buildings in a mess. Except for the busy workers, there are few pedestrians. My husband stood there quietly without any action. After about half an hour, he picked up a small stone, weighed it in his hand, put it down, clapped his hands, and turned to go home. I can't believe my eyes: I don't know why. I'm full. For several days, it's mostly like this.
In addition to eating a good meal and leaving for a while, my husband has become estranged emotionally, like a new person! He seems to always want to stay on his own, and even doesn't want to say anything to me. I tried my best to make him change his mind and make it worse. He looks so strange. I don't know what I've done wrong. Have I become terrible? Otherwise, how can he alienate me for no reason?
Men's intimacy cycle: intimacy alienation intimacy
If you're in this situation, you'll be as nervous as Stella. In fact, a man has a secret that he may not even know: a man is like a rubber band. As long as the elastic limit is not exceeded, once he lets go, he will bounce back immediately. This is the "intimacy cycle" of men: intimacy alienation intimacy.
Take the case of Stella and her husband. Stella's love for her husband is "gentle country", which makes her husband full of tenderness - the rubber band gradually lengthens. All of a sudden, the situation changed. Imagine what happens to a rubber band? It reaches its elastic limit and starts to weaken. Its elasticity is gone. Its power is gone. Similarly, after getting enough intimacy, men will have a similar situation. With satisfaction and contentment, he could not help but began to reflect. He felt the impulse to escape. He is no longer hungry for lack of love, he has new needs - he misses the feeling of being alone, he wants to have a human world. He complains that he is too dependent. He wants to get back to the feeling of being alone. On the surface, all this is more like an excuse for a man to escape, because he seldom makes it clear where the sudden impulse and yearning heart come from?
Therefore, men usually don't explain the reason, they just think 'thirty six stratagems, it's best to go'. The only thing left to women is worry and panic. If men and women know nothing about the 'intimate cycle', the so-called 'love' will make them suspicious. Tired of being together, a man yearns for another passion, while a woman is unaware of it. She subconsciously assumes that he doesn't care about himself, and may even change his mind. If he says' I just want to be on my own for a while ', can you accept this sentence instead of automatically translating it into' I don't love you anymore, so I don't want to see you '?
Men are closer only when they escape
The reason why men escape is to meet the needs of 'solitude' and 'introspection'. Just like a rubber band, it extends out thoroughly first, and it will bounce back suddenly in the blink of an eye. Similarly, after a period of escape, a man will yearn for love and yearn for intimacy! In his heart, he has greater passion and impulse; he wants to give his women more love. Therefore, he has the impulse to escape from time to time, which is not a decision or a long planned choice. It's just an occasional 'emotional event'. It is subordinate to a natural cycle or cycle. You will find that even if men love you deeply, they will periodically choose to 'escape'. After that, he became closer to women. Men are constantly changing between intimacy and solitude, which is the result of man's nature.
The most common cause of alienation in men
If, according to your observation, for no obvious reason, men suddenly become very closed, unwilling to speak, closed, and sometimes disappear - it's the time of alienation.
At this time, he was concentrating on solving one of his problems, completely cutting off his concern for other things. He became forgetful and numb. Sometimes, he will start to do something that takes a lot of energy. In this way, he forgets nervousness, such as working hard, watching football games, driving fast, or watching horror movies. The most common reasons for men's alienation are:
1. The way he faces pressure
John Gray, an American psychologist, calls a man's sudden alienation "hiding in a cave.". If women rush to find someone to talk to when they have problems, then men are just the opposite. He prefers to face problems alone. At this time, he just naturally can't be distracted from other things. His brain and all his power are focused on it. Moreover, the more independent, independent, strong and silent the man around you is, the more frequently and persistently he will walk into the cave.
2. He looks for a solution to some self problem
Telling you about it means admitting your weakness and dependence. If women take it for granted to seek help from their loved ones in difficult situations, then men only do so when they are in the most difficult situations. For this reason, the timing of a man's intimacy cycle is variable, and everything depends on the complexity of the problem, from a few hours to a few months.
He messed up something
In this case, silence and distance are necessary for men to calm down. At this moment, he doesn't want to talk or do anything, he may regret something. This may allow men to enter the 'cave' for different periods of time, mostly a few hours or days. If the tension is long-lasting, then the 'escape' time can last for weeks or months.
Your relationship is very close. He wants to adjust the degree of intimacy
Men who fall into intimate relationship often fantasize about the happiness of being alone and the beauty of freedom. When he satisfies his need for solitude and freedom, he yearns for intimacy irresistibly. This reason is not only incomprehensible to most women, but also regarded as the most morbid. Because this is most likely to happen after a period of interaction. When you are in a period of love in which both sides are crazy and everything is wonderful, suddenly, the man either disappears at a certain time, or at least alienates you. How can you not let people panic and not look for the reason for this strange behavior!
What can women do when men hide?
Try to be as calm as possible. In any case, don't try to pull a man out of his cycle of alienation! This is the general principle you must remember. The more you actively want to get rid of the distance, the more men run further in order to keep the distance. The harder you try to pull him out, the later he comes back. Remember: too much care and too close to a man, may become he instinctively want to get rid of the chain.
In order not to fall into deep depression every time, just remember how different men and women are. If a woman can feel independent, then, for a man, it's totally normal. He can't live without it.
John Gray wisely pointed out a dilemma between men and women. It's not a big deal, but men are used to this way of being alone, while women don't understand it. After understanding this fact, when it comes to this situation again, women don't have to jump in a hurry or force men to make it clear. To do things that make you happy, to leave him a space to be alone, the result is usually happy.
Of course, it's best for a man to say hello to a woman before the cycle of alienation arrives. Before being angered by a man's indifference, a woman is actually reasonable. If he says to you: 'I've been under a lot of pressure recently and may not have the energy to care about you, I hope you can understand. I can handle it. Don't worry. 'then you'd better go shopping with your girlfriend, then go home to cook on time, and give him a free space thoughtfully.