Everyone's personality characteristics are different, and it's the same between lovers. Although two people's personalities are more different, there are still many people coming together. However, in this case, there are many couples who have conflicts. It's common for couples to be jealous. Do you know how to resolve the conflicts between lovers?
How to resolve conflicts between lovers
After a couple's conflict, first of all, pay attention not to think that if there is a conflict, you must distinguish between right and wrong. At this time, it's better to make a psychological transposition first, think and deal with each other from the other's position and situation without being in the other's place, and observe each other's potential motivation. Don't simply look at the problem with 'self-centered', and think soberly and rationally and understand each other.
Secondly, we should pay attention to the psychological distance between the two sides. From a psychological point of view, if the distance is too small, it will make people uncomfortable and feel too 'crowded'. If the distance is appropriate, there will be more sense of distance and independence, more psychological freedom, more opportunities to feel each other's beauty and less mutual strength.
Third, after the conflict between lovers, don't always complain to each other and form a negative 'stereotype'. Both women and men should use some different mediation methods to solve the problem.
Fourth, if you want the other party to respect you, you should respect the other party first. You should give the other party the reason to love you first. You don't have to have the 'self-worth protection principle' in the interpersonal relationship. The core is to expect the other party to show their 'Self-worth'.
Fifth, even if the other party is wrong, we should be tolerant, because there is no big right and wrong between real lovers. We are not saints, there is no need for each other's behavior is too critical.
Misunderstandings of couple's conflict and quarrel
One mistake: the more noisy, the better feelings
Xiaoqian is a straightforward woman, happy and sad in the form of color, and her husband has a conflict, naturally is pouring out. Her husband was drunk when he was socializing. She was so angry that she scolded her: "if others want you to drink, you can drink, and if others want you to die, you can go too!" her husband was stolen his wallet. She turned out Chen Zhima's rotten beans and criticized her: "last year, I lost my cell phone, the year before last, I lost my room key, you are a pig brain!" her husband was cheated by her colleagues, and she exclaimed: "before, I said XX is not a good man, I want you to be with him Don't get along with me. You're stupid and don't listen to me. I'm so angry with you! "
Every time she quarrels, because Xiaoqian is reasonable, she doesn't allow her husband to explain. In the process of quarreling, she not only catches each other's logical defects, but also leads to a number of other problems. In her husband's words, 'I've been swept by a machine gun a hundred times. '
But Xiaoqian doesn't think there's anything wrong with the way she quarrels. She thinks that quarrels are all out of her concern for her husband, and 'quarreling is also a kind of communication. What's wrong with speaking out my dissatisfied thoughts? When I vent, won't my husband do better?' "indeed, after she quarrels, her husband's superficial problems have changed a lot, and Xiaoqian is very proud of herself We are proud of our achievements. But in fact, what has changed in a man's heart after the quarrel?
[end of the fight]: it's hard to fight at the end of the bed
Is there really no overnight feud between husband and wife? Has husband Xiaoqian really changed a lot? No, he's just tired of listening to her roar, and he won't talk to her about her 'mistakes' to avoid war.
This kind of forbearance is bound to accumulate in a man's heart. Once there is a fuse, it will lead to a big explosion! Xiaoqian often exaggerates her anger when she quarrels and even uses the most extreme language to anger her husband, but she doesn't realize it. Those hurtful words although Xiaoqian said forget, but the man can not say will be firmly in mind.
And no matter how strong the couple's feelings are, they can't stand the sharp words.
A psychological expert's trick: it's better to fight for reason than to fight for emotion
Xiaoqian thinks she's reasonable, so she doesn't forgive others, but she doesn't know that "arguing for reason" often leads to "hurt". After a fight, her husband has no feelings for you. It's better to try to deal with the disputes between husband and wife by 'fighting for love', and to deal with them by 'friendship', which is far more constructive than quarreling.
The so-called "the more noisy, the better feelings" kind of "quarrel" actually means that they have a good level of speaking, and they will expound the contradiction itself on the basis of the facts, communicate with each other in a reasonable way, so as to solve the problem effectively. For example, you can say to a husband who doesn't do housework: 'honey, you must be very busy recently. No one cares about the Yellow bath. And if you say, 'I've never seen one lazier than you, and the bath is dirtier than the pig's nest,' "the family war may be inevitable.
Mistake 2: I must be right about it
When Dongdong was still a girl, she was taught by her mother: "if you have a conflict with your husband in the future, you must let him realize his mistake. The first time he doesn't put down his prestige, then he will ride on your head!" mother's "grooming skill" seems to be very effective. At least Dongdong's father is a submissive master at home, although he doesn't look very happy.
When he was in love, his boyfriend had a good temper. Before he quarreled for several times, he rushed to apologize. But after they got married, they got along day and night, and their conflicts increased sharply: at the weekend, they agreed to watch love movies, and when they went to the ticket office, they wanted to buy tickets for science fiction movies; lvluo Mingming put it in the bedroom best, but he insisted on putting it in the living room; after saying how many times that his skin was black and he couldn't wear purple, he bought a purple T-shirt & hellip; & hellip; Dongdong's quarrel is very step-by-step, just like Cheng Yaojin's three axes: first, she will loudly emphasize that she is right, and her husband's thought is completely wrong; next, she will intercept her husband's words, and constantly explain her correct reasons; when her husband tries to explain, Dongdong yells again: "don't say it, it's up to me!"
In the first few times, although her husband was not happy, she still followed her. When she saw her husband admit defeat, Dongdong felt that the 'grooming technique' was effective, which made her feel elated. In addition, she said: 'you were wrong long ago, and now I admit it! "But later there were many disputes, but her husband gradually couldn't hold down the fire, and once he smashed the big vase at home.
[quarrel ending]: win the fight, but both of them are black and blue
'I must be right in this matter, you must be wrong! "When Dongdong quarrels, he thinks that there is only one answer to all things, and he must fight to death. However, in fact, there is no winner in the quarrel between husband and wife, and both sides are losers.
The person who will quarrel, is to solve the problem with the point to the end, rather than with the domineering words to kill the husband. The United States has studied mistreated wives. The results are surprising. Wives who are beaten are not all lambs to be slaughtered, but shrews who win their husbands when they quarrel. Men who can't fight have to fight for dignity with their fists.
[psychological expert's one move]: it's smart enough to retreat for advance!
A quarrel between husband and wife is a conflict caused by two people's different perspectives. It's better to admit a man's correctness occasionally than to insist that the other party listen to his own opinions. I don't like flowers in my bedroom. OK, I'll listen to you this time. So can I decide whether to go back to eat Western food or sushi? Giving in to men is not a loss, nor a cowardice, but a preparation for long-term success.
And when a man gives in to you, don't be sarcastic: "if you knew that, why did you give in?" if you give him more respect and encouragement, he will be more willing to give in until the next fight.
Mistake 3: support from friends and relatives
Aqiao's husband is five big and three thick, and her voice is as loud as a bell. She is weak, and she speaks in a soft voice. When she quarrels, she has no sense of existence. In order to win more sympathy and support, she came up with a clever way. As soon as the couple quarreled, she picked up the phone to call her parents, parents in law, and even colleagues and friends to complain about her husband.
The group of relatives and friends who received the call comforted ah Qiao, who was sobbing, and reprimanded the man for not showing pity for jade. Aqiao's father has a hot temper, and once even quarreled with his son-in-law face to face. Father in law and mother-in-law are afraid of the couple's divorce, so they are anxious to make amends to Aqiao, and order their son to apologize & hellip; & hellip; while the husband, surrounded by relatives and friends, often chooses to leave. Aqiao seems to win, but he makes the contradiction between husband and wife more uncontrollable.
[quarrel ending]: the more help the soldiers get, the more help they get
In order to be the winner of the fight, Aqiao likes to move rescue soldiers everywhere, hoping to get the support of others. But she did not expect that, although she won a round temporarily, complaining about her husband in front of the 'rescue' would be very destructive to the couple's feelings, especially deepening the contradiction between her husband and her parents. Men are good at face. Although they sometimes surrender under the pressure of relatives and friends, they lose face and feel uncomfortable. In the end, it is women who suffer.
The old saying that "the ugly family should not be publicized" is not out of date. When Aqiao publicized his own contradictions, he aroused not only sympathy, but also ridicule and irony. Relatives and friends will also form a fixed thinking that they are a disharmonious couple, and they will be tired of taking care of them if they are called to be "rescuers" many times.
[psychological experts give a move]: you might as well have a try
Aqiao didn't want to lose the fight, so he moved to the rescue team. He just wanted to find someone to support him and let the man down. He didn't really want to let the rescue team beat up his husband.
When you feel that you have little chance of winning a fight, you can solve the problem in the way of a little woman. When the war just started, women can show weakness and tenderness: "you're a man. Why are you so stingy and angry with me?"
Showing weakness is far more convincing than showing off strength
You know, showing weakness is far more convincing than showing off strength. Even if you know it's her fault, a man will feel that he is a man, so he should give in. For example, when your husband is dissatisfied with your spending money on clothes, don't yell fiercely: "I didn't spend your money!" instead, he makes a charming appearance: "I want to dress up a little more beautiful for you. Why are you so fierce?". In a short time, a man must turn his anger into tenderness.