Married you have to deal with a lot of complicated things, including the most important thing is that you have a good relationship with your husband's mother and become a family. How can I know if your mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationship is good? Look at five things to help you see how your mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationship is?
Mother in law and daughter-in-law should be one of the most difficult relationships in the world.
My friends often leave messages on wechat or in the background to talk with me about my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, asking if there is any way to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the same as that between husband and wife. But there will always be some ways to make the relationship healthy.
01. Live separately
Many contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law all originate from the coexistence of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law under the same roof. Our country's original sense of boundaries is not clear. To let two unrelated people, especially two women who love the same man, live together is like planting a time bomb at home.
A literary friend of mine is particularly wise in this regard. When she married her husband, her salary was not high and she had no savings. Everyone advised her not to live with money. She lived with her mother-in-law for two years, saved enough down payment to buy a house, and then moved out.
She insisted on herself and borrowed money to buy a 35 square meter Bay. Most of her salary was used to repay the loans and debts of her relatives and friends. She was in a tight life. But keeping a bowl of soup away from my mother-in-law, I only went to see her occasionally during the holidays. My relationship was harmonious and I had a good run in with my husband.
None of the newly married sisters who live together with their parents-in-law complained bitterly about their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law's struggle history at the party.
Don't make your son's home your own
China's thousands of years of tradition, many mothers in law feel that their son's home is their own home, and then want to establish a family model they like in their son's and daughter-in-law's small family: good things should be left to the men at home to eat first, women should take more housework, and taking care of children is mainly women's business & hellip; & hellip;
It's true that a mother-in-law loves her son, but it's basically hard work for her to make another woman love her son as she does - her daughter-in-law is looking for her husband, not her son.
Therefore, if the mother-in-law goes to live in her son's house, she must think of a problem: she is going to be a guest. She should respect the way her son and daughter-in-law get along with each other. They are the people who want to live for a lifetime. She should respect the way her son and daughter-in-law raise their children. They are the guardians of her grandchildren.
Similarly, if a daughter-in-law has to live with her mother-in-law, she should also understand that she is only living temporarily. The hostess is her mother-in-law, and she should respect her mother-in-law's living habits.
03. On weekdays, well water does not violate river water, but helps each other in front of major events
The best state of mother-in-law, son and daughter-in-law is that they are financially independent, have more gatherings on weekdays when they are free, and give less advice to their families.
But in the end, China is a society of human relations. The relationship between mother-in-law, daughter-in-law and son-in-law, which are connected by close relatives, can't be irrelevant forever -- the state's pension and upbringing mechanisms are not perfect, and the relationship between mother-in-law and son-in-law will one day be incessant.
Therefore, when a daughter-in-law enters her own family, her father-in-law should be more tolerant in the first few years; when she holds a wedding, she should respect her opinions as much as she can; when a daughter-in-law is pregnant and gives birth to a child, she can help; when a son and daughter-in-law buy a house, she can help.
Nowadays, young people are under great pressure, and not everyone has the financial ability to hire a nanny to take care of their children. Even if they can afford to hire a nanny, they may not be relieved to give their children to strangers. If the old people's economy is OK, they can lend money to their son and daughter-in-law and return it when they have enough money.
When the old man is ill in hospital or can't take care of himself, his daughter-in-law has no legal obligation to support him, but he should give as much as possible, money and effort, otherwise it will chill the heart of the pillow people.
04. My husband is filial but not good
My friend's husband has a clear way to deal with his work. When he faces his daughter-in-law and mother, his brain becomes a pot of porridge.
What my friend hates most is her husband's unfairness. For example, when her mother-in-law says she's not, her husband says' I'll go back and talk about her '; when she says what her mother-in-law wants, her husband says' my mother is 60 years old, and it's like this all her life. You can't change it. You've got a lot of adults. Don't know her in general'.
Always ask his wife to tolerate, one day his wife can't help a big explosion, such a husband every woman hate.
A good husband should be the glue between his mother and his daughter-in-law. He doesn't have the idea that "mother is always right" and doesn't alienate his mother too much because of the pillow side wind. Be filial to your mother but not to your mother, and coax your wife but not to your wife -- your husband may be called unfilial in a short period of time, but it will do no harm to the long-term family harmony. On the issue of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he is always reconciled and calls himself a clay sculpture sooner or later.
Never expect to be like a mother and daughter
Just listen to your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The greater the hope is, the greater the disappointment is. There is no blood relationship. How can you be as close as a mother and daughter? If you quarrel with your mother and run away from home, your heart is still full of worries. If you clap a table with your mother-in-law, it will become a barrier that you can never pass, right?
There is no denying that there is a mother-in-law daughter-in-law relationship in this world, but it is by no means the mainstream. If at first the mentality is lowered, and the daughter-in-law regards her mother-in-law as a neighbor, client or boss, giving her full respect, occasional closeness and constant greetings; if the mother-in-law only regards her daughter-in-law as a junior, partner or subordinate, giving her full welcome, occasional love and constant concern, there will not be so many contradictions.
No matter what kind of good expectations we had, after countless sparks and collisions, we will finally understand that the best relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is peace.