Now the social pressure is so great, and the divorce rate is also rising year by year. What kind of impact does divorce have on children? Let's take a look at the following examples~
one
A friend told me something that happened in her hometown.
Xiaomei, 9, divorced from her parents when she was a child, and she awarded it to her father. Dad is busy earning money to support his family. Besides food and clothing, he doesn't know how to communicate with his children.
Her father went to work in the county during the day and went home at night, so he let her have lunch at the neighbor's house. Neighbors usually make friends, her father is very at ease, but never thought it was a wolf in sheep's clothing.
One day, the neighbor raped Xiaomei while his wife was away. And threatened to keep her quiet.
The ignorant child didn't dare to tell his father until he got up early the next day. When his father saw the blood on the sheet, he took the child to the hospital and found out the truth.
The child is only 9 years old. I don't know when the trauma of his heart can be repaired. At the age of innocence, he has seen the danger of human heart early. Life is a long way, but at the beginning of her life, she realized the hardships of life.
If she has a happy family, her father can be looked after by her mother when he is busy, can be cared by her parents, and can know how to protect herself, maybe this disaster will not come to her.
two
The Ministry of Civil Affairs released the statistical bulletin of social service development in 2015. Data show that in 2015, there were 3.841 million couples going through divorce procedures in accordance with the law, with a crude divorce rate of 2.8 per 1000! In 2002, the crude divorce rate was only 0.9 per 1000, one third of last year's!
How many of these divorced families have children? I'm afraid it's not in the minority.
So what happened to the children of divorced families in the end?
Because of the lack of family care and encouragement, they often show a lack of self-confidence and always feel that they are not doing well enough. In particular, once a month, I have to go through the "kicking ball" - it takes time to find my family. My father asked me to ask my mother for it, and my mother asked me to ask my father for it, which makes me feel insecure both physically and mentally. I'm pessimistic about my feelings and life. '
'having seen the tragedy of my parents' love, I began to doubt my feelings. I always live in the shadow of my parents' divorce. I dare not love or accept others' love. I'm afraid I've lost & lsquo; Love & quot; The ability of others. "
'I have experienced the world's sophistication and warmth in the early days. After my parents divorced, I lived with my mother. My aunt, who used to love me most, never contacted me again, and my grandparents had new grandchildren. Yes, the children my father got after remarriage are now the most cared for babies in the family. "
'I always feel lonely everywhere. Even though there are so many people around me, no one can rely on or care for me. So I often fall into thinking about the meaning of life, and sometimes even come up with some terrible ideas & hellip& hellip;'
There is no doubt that divorce will lead to the psychological trauma of children. They are more 'lack of love' and 'lack of self-confidence', and their life path becomes less clear.
three
My son has a good friend, Siyuan. He likes to play with him most. Every day when he comes home, he says, "Siyuan is the most handsome boy in our class."; Today, Siyuan and I are playing with toys in our class; Today, Siyuan brought a biscuit with him at school& hellip;
On this day, there will be a parents' meeting. The teacher in charge of the class informed the group several days in advance and said: 'if there is a parents' meeting on Friday, it must be attended by parents. Please make time for it.' The notice was sent several times before and after.
But during the meeting, I found that even if the teacher told me a thousand times, there was still a child who was a grandmother, who was Siyuan's grandmother.
I thought, Siyuan's parents are really busy! Children's parents are not free to attend!
When I sent my son to kindergarten the next day, I met Siyuan.
Siyuan is holding his grandfather's hand and sees his son and two children jumping into the kindergarten together.
"Our children often talk about Siyuan and are his good friends." I asked his grandfather, "does Siyuan like to talk about school when he comes home?"
"If you don't like to say that, the child loves watching TV and cartoons!" Siyuan's grandfather is smiling, and the corners of his mouth are inadvertently curved.
"His parents are very busy. I think it was grandma who held the parents' meeting yesterday." I said.
'Hi! His parents divorced, and the children followed us all day. Yesterday, there was a parents' meeting. The teacher asked me to bring back the proposal, and my parents signed it. Neither his grandmother nor I could write. His grandmother hid in the toilet and secretly shed tears& hellip;'
His grandfather sighed, waved and left.
I was stunned and forgot what to say.
The child is still young, and may not know what happened to him. There are grandparents to take him to school. There are delicious food and good cartoons to amuse him.
But when he grows up a little bit, he will wonder, why do other children have their parents, and he only has grandparents?
Other children are accompanied by their parents to tell stories and play puzzle games. Even if their grandparents love him any more, they suffer from their lack of culture and limited training.
Why do some parents give custody of their children to their grandparents when they divorce? At the time of divorce, isn't the child awarded to the father or mother? Is the divorce, the child is not your own?
four
Some people may say that Obama, like him, came from a divorced family and grew up to be president of the United States? At all times and in all over the world, many celebrities grew up in divorced families.
Yes, many celebrities come from divorced families, such as Obama. But do you know how his mother taught him?
Shortly after Obama was born, his father Obama Sr. won two opportunities to study. One was the generous scholarship provided by New York New College University, which was enough for a family of three to live in New York. The other was to go to Harvard University for a doctorate in economics. Obama Sr. chose Harvard without hesitation. He said: 'how can I refuse the best education
Three years later, his mother, Ann middot; Dunham asked for a divorce, and Obama Sr. agreed without hesitation. After that, Obama Sr. took another American woman to work in his hometown in Kenya.
Ann took her son to school at the same time, and her life was very poor. Obama Sr. never paid alimony and paid no attention to mother and son.
But Ann never spoke ill of old Obama in front of her son.
Every time she talks about Obama Sr. with her son, she talks about all the advantages: intelligence, humor, being good at musical instruments, having a good voice & hellip& hellip;
Her approach has yielded good results - she said that Obama had all these advantages.
What's more, she talked about Obama Sr. in this way, which greatly alleviated the psychological impact of her parents' divorce on Obama.
He learned to be open-minded and to see the positive in bad situations.
In the US Democratic Party's primary election, although Hillary Clinton had an obvious advantage at the beginning and posed a serious challenge to Obama later, Obama and his campaign have never been in a mess, and each time they can get out of danger.
"I owe the best to my mother," Obama said
Although divorced, his mother didn't give him up, but did her best to train her children well.
five
So, those divorced parents, please take good care of your children! Partners can be changed, but children are always their own flesh and blood.
Divorce is just the end of the relationship between husband and wife, but the responsibility of parents has not changed!
Heilinger, a master of family therapy in Germany, said that no matter what the situation, children instinctively want their parents to identify with them. An important meaning of this identification is: 'I admit that I am your child.'
Makarenko, a famous educator in the Soviet Union, said that people who are trained without their parents' love are often people with defects.
I wish all parents could be kind to their children,
I wish all the children in the world can grow up healthily and happily,
I wish that the childlike soul would not be covered with dust,
Only wish the innocent smiling face bloom like a flower.